Statement of Facts:
There is not a lot I view as having failed. Yet some I feel are best abandoned. Recognizing as I do that human relationships constitute the real sway I have to admit therein lies my most earnest reservation. If I were to speak critically of myself it would be directed at what has proven to be a relentless and often pointless ambition to cultivate or preserve relations which are either overvalued or doomed (sometimes from the outset). Part of this toxic determination isn’t the laudable drive to persevere in the face of difficulty but rather the bloody mindedness to win. I hate to confess so bluntly but it is that succinctness more than anything that captures the deeper motive – not for example some more glamorous goal to understand others. Indeed if I were to be entirely candid I’d admit there are just some things that do not or may never work. While that is a trite admission from someone such as I with undeniable self-esteem the confession of inadequacy is a severe blow not to mention a rude awakening.
The Case for the Applicant:
Nor does it particularly assuage the conflict to diagnose the shortfall as the fault or persuasion of the Party of the Second Part. It is a sufficient assault or analysis merely to admit it does not work. This I have discovered is a talent of no small import. I have on occasion glimpsed the capacity in others. It is far more than the “Screw it!” approach. It distinctly avoids any sense of evaluation or condemnation – not even the “moving on” option which clearly contains an element of remorse. For that reason and that alone the “giving up” choice is the most desirable. It is a calculated decision without all the unnecessary and superfluous fluff.
In the Alternative:
Not having fully embraced the philosophy or psychological refinement to leave it at that, I gleefully specify certain of the particulars. This affords the metaphorical product of effort; it enables me to put on the shelf a trophy of my safari in this raw zone of human contact. Throughout my life – as I am only now discovering in retrospect – my parents and sister were the primary and almost exclusive objects of my attention. I say that “objectively” not to diminish the patent subjective nature of the relationships but to illustrate the edgeless conviction they merited in my opinion. Therefore without going into all the detracting details of any (and all) other relationships – which as I say would defeat the thrust of my prior assertions – allow me at least to savour the satisfaction of saying none others were quite up to the same standard of involvement to be convincing or meaningful. This I realize is a stark confession of surprising scope.
In making this categorical and punishing remark there are of necessity certain clarifications needed. Of obvious detail is that it only applies to what are putatively significant associations not the casual ties of what may be summarily described as social or business acquaintances. These latter alliances are both needed and sustainable by mutuality of interest – unlike those for which there is no compelling link other than the purely emotional. This broad stroke enables me to sweep aside numerous contortions which no longer survive because of the evaporation of purpose. Similarly where the emotional feature is exhausted they too are finished.
There are in addition some things in life that are sous entendu which is to say res ipsa loquitur. There is no need to question what exists especially when the evidence is demonstrable and palpable. Anything else however is fair game.
While overall this minor insight may amount to nothing in the eyes of many it is for me another example of understanding that when going down a river it is good to know not only where to go but also where not to go. It is a simple but instructive account. It satisfactorily expedites my bicycle ride for example by relieving the weight of pointless consternation. There is no point contaminating life. Such are the small victories of a small mind! I give up!