Whenever I am obliged to think about something I get uncomfortable. It is virtually assured that I am in an enforced state of suspended activity. Thinking is sadly not my default maneuver. Instead I fashion myself a man of action. If I am unable to fix a dilemma without abeyance it is sign I am out of control. Resigning myself to contemplation of the matter is little more than an ill-diguised attempt at productivity, an act designed to create commotion and delay the sting that is patience. Ultimately however I awaken to the advantage of analysis and it usually reinforces the strength of my original perplexity; namely, there are reasons I am stymied.
Thinking about a matter speedily becomes a question of balancing alternatives rather than seeking a specific answer. Why after all would one spend time thinking if the course of conduct were manifestly clear? My particular issue in this instance is the management of the repair of an inguinal hernia. Initially – in what proved to be a failed effort to “jump the line” of the Provincial system – I contacted a private health care centre but was summarily told by the “Reviewing Physician” that I had to lose 45 pounds before surgery would even be considered. I may have abandoned the problem there had it not been for the fact that we soon plan to leave the country for five months and the prospect of paying for medical service in the United States is not appealing (especially in this case when I have what is clearly a “pre-existing condition” which of course contaminates my health insurance policy). As a result I am scheduled to meet with a well-known local surgeon in the next few days to address my condition with a view to determining two things in particular: 1) will the surgeon operate on me?; and, 2) can the operation be done before we plan to leave for South Carolina? Inherent in this enquiry is whether the surgeon should indeed operate if the private clinic (which heralds itself as specialists) recommended against it. There is additionally the concern that hernias even if repaired can re-appear and the likelihood is greater if one is over-weight. Having said that, I am anxious to do what I can to eliminate the occurrence of a strangulated hernia which may cause comparatively worse grief.
Assuming the local surgeon considers surgery either feasible or necessary, the question of when he can do it is next. At best, the date will be before our anticipated departure though we may be obliged to delay for a short period to allow for recovery assuming for example the surgery is more complicated or extensive than say the repair of an umbilical hernia. The further alternative is that the date for surgery is set during the 5-month period of our southern sojourn. If that transpires, there is nothing stopping me from flying back for the surgery. Finally, if the local surgeon is of the opinion that nothing should be done until I lose 45 pounds or whatever, then either way it is a matter of waiting until that goal is accomplished (and I am diligently pursuing it in any event as a matter of pride – and health naturally). Lastly there is a very remote possibility that the local surgeon will determine that no surgery at all is required. I certainly don’t put much stock in that speculation but today at least there is no evident bulging, gurgling, etc. which until as recently as yesterday morning repeatedly and painfully characterized the activity in my nether regions. Editorial Note: Cancel that! The lump and gurgling have returned as before.
The conclusion therefore is that it will or it won’t (happen before we leave); or, depending on how you look at it, it’s now or later. These are tolerable alternatives even though I would prefer to conclude arrangements before leaving but that may be hoping for too much. I have thus sought to wrestle to the mat the writhing annoyance of my current medical problem. It is no comfort that this hurdle may prove to be one of many yet to follow and I take small consolation in being compelled to learn to adapt to the possible necessity.