Is this really happening!

I am ebullient! My lightheartedness is unstoppable! The sensation – a combination of utter relief, unparalleled exhilaration and moderate confusion – is reminiscent of Ebenezer Scrooge on Christmas morning.  I can still see Alastair Sim helplessly struggling to keep from grinning as he awoke from his unsettling dream, recognized his fortune and hopped about in his nightgown, gushing enthusiasm, embracing his unsuspecting char, throwing open the window of his cloistered bedchamber onto the much altered world and greeting the street urchin below with gleeful beneficence!  Life turned out to be pretty good after all!


My own flightiness doesn’t of course compete with the drama of Scrooge’s epiphany but what it lacks in poetic licence it abounds in authenticity! It is the overwhelming reality of this blissful state which is its peerless feature. It really has happened! After a lifetime of contriving to create a theme of order, sense and comfort I find myself unwittingly at its doorstep! There is nothing which I could reasonably improve! Within my idiosyncratic sphere the accompanying awareness is akin to Nirvana. I have in addition the enviable privilege to share this intoxicating state with another of like mind and together we cajole one another to spin it out for all it’s worth! I am also quick to recognize with gratitude the inherent benefit of this alliance, an advantage clearly weighted heavily in my favour since without it my circumstances would be very much different.

I won’t pretend that this rapturous karma is beyond the material world. I am after all an intellectual low-life at heart and a confessed materialist. By design (and some measured restraint – which, believe me, I say with all modesty) I now have everything I have ever desired. Our collection of possessions is the culmination of years of studied application and sometimes surgical decisions. Recently I refined my especial passions and I can unequivocally say that I want for nothing. Likewise I haven’t any further aspirations.


Neither is it small solace that we indulge ourselves in vagabond travel. In my wildest dreams I never imagined it were possible. We literally have our island in the sun; and one with considerably more cogency than some daydreaming alternative. We’re not irrevocable and as heightened as the experience is, there is no feeling of living on another planet. It is a seamless part of our temperament.


Even the mundane features of life commend themselves. I no longer suffer a hint of dismay upon awakening, a former malicious syndrome which was the combined effect of having to condescend to work for a living and self-imposed excesses.  Such a hedonist was I! Remorse or reluctance of any description are now a thing of the past!  Instead I treasure whatever it is that I do and seldom does that entail anything which will bring me down: the privilege to languish over morning coffee and emails; wearing only baggy clothes and bulky sweaters; no greater priority than an improving bike ride in the morning air or an afternoon sojourn with family or friends; writing my tiresome compositions; reading purposeless literature; and having the yawning time to enjoy it all!


It hasn’t however been a period of complete lethargy. I have tackled the niggling elements of my way of life and whether out of mere frustration or straightforward ennui have summarily dealt with them. Defeat is a rude and unadorned instrument of change. Whatever doesn’t fit or work is out! The transition from acquisition to disposition is not confined to things; it embraces ideas (religion), people (friends), habits (eating) and philosophy (love).  In everything there has been not simply a passive amortization but more importantly an active revision. I am casting off superfluity in favour of essence. This translates into new methods of communication, an inclination to directness and a preference for succinctness, even bluntness (though I prefer to dignify it as candour). The object is always expediency and clarity, something I view as mutually beneficial to myself and others.  There is almost an urgency to it. I haven’t any patience for dithering. My absorption is strictly utilitarian. What holds me back or doesn’t advance my progress is let go. Time is running out and I don’t intend to squander a moment of what remains!

Meanwhile the Wheel of Fortune relentlessly turns. It sobers me to remind myself that one’s place on that revolving wheel can change.  One mustn’t allow oneself to be conceited about or disappointed by the present state of affairs. Either way the future is unimaginable, make no mistake! There are some who today walk upon the flowery paths of prosperity but who may yet tread upon the sere and yellow leaf of adversity; likewise there are those whose plight is today unenviable but who may tomorrow garner unforeseen favour. Fortune is after all mere happenstance and frequently fickle.  Time will however do its work on capital of any description. It can really happen!