When visiting Eric Balcom many years ago at his residence alongside the Atlantic Ocean he told me a tale about him and his business colleagues who met for lunch at the Lord Nelson Hotel in Halifax, NS.  They were all on the Board of Directors of the same company.  Newly appointed to their membership was a farmer from the nearby countryside. The farmer had never been to the Lord Nelson Hotel. When they sat for lunch Eric sat next to the farmer.  Eric recognized in an instant that the farmer was confused by the items on the menu.  Accordingly Eric suggested this and that based upon his prior experience.  The farmer chose precisely as Eric had recommended. But after lunch the farmer unhesitatingly chose tea rather than coffee.  All the other men at the big round dining table ordered coffee instead of tea.  The young waitress – to whom the businessmen were indistinguishable – correctly reasoned that she would first deliver the tea to the farmer then return with the coffee for the others.

She brought the farmer his tea in a small metal pot. The farmer, who had been accustomed to have his tea steep until black on the kitchen wood stove, immediately began pouring his tea from the pot into his tea cup only to discover that the liquid was clear.  When the waitress returned with the coffee for the others the farmer beckoned the waitress and said, “Miss, when I order tea I expect more than hot water!” to which the waitress replied, “Well, Sir, did you try giving your bag a squeeze?” The farmer, indignant, howled back, “I didn’t come here to be blackguarded by you!”

The point is this, even well-intentioned remedies can meet with defeat. And in the broader sphere it is an unwelcome solution to be told to do something absurd for what is considered a decipherable problem. This regrettably is the circumstance in which I now find myself concerning daily and repeated carbon-coloured drips from the undercarriage of my new 2020 Lincoln Aviator purchased April 13, 2020 from Lincoln Heights Ford (Les Bell, Dealer Principal; David Cameron, General Manager), Richmond Road, Ottawa, ON.

After an unparalleled four weeks of consternation surrounding this matter – including endless photographs of “before and after” use of the vehicle and related communications with the dealership and Lincoln Motor Company, constant cleaning of the garage floor after each use of the car, the delivery of a small polyester mat for under the car and the singular employment of my resources as a beta test site for another similar Aviator – I have reached the limit of my endurance.  I spoke with David Cameron this afternoon. He has kindly agreed to submit to Lincoln Motor Company on my behalf an application for a trade “incentive”.