We were all taught not to do certain things. Like pick your nose or cough without covering your mouth. The instruction was part of what is called propriety, the state or quality of conforming to conventionally accepted standards of behaviour or morals. You may be amused to discover that the etymology of the word propriety is nothing directly associated with what we sometimes call “proper” but rather the word for property.

early 15c., “fitness, proper character,” from Old French proprieté “individuality, peculiarity; property,” a later form of the vernacular proprete (which became English property), from Latin proprietatem (nominative proprietas) “appropriateness,” also “ownership” (see property).

mid-15c., of clerics, “possessing worldly goods in excess of needs,” from Medieval Latin proprietarius “owner of property,” noun use of Late Latin adjective proprietarius “of a property holder,” from Latin proprietas “ownership; a property” (see property).

The possessive element of propriety is no doubt what promotes many of the sometimes preposterous social customs like the decidedly acceptable use of the word “ain’t” which apart from usage by illiterates was a common signal of aloofness and general disregard employed by the landed gentry for whom reading and writing were often considered the foppish domain of clergy and lawyers. With the passage of time the Bourgeoisie reclaimed the diachronic abuse.

Table manners are a vast basin for the performance (or abstinence) of propriety. As one who mischievously regards the language and conduct of others at table, I derive exceptional amusement from the manner in which some hold their knives and forks. It is a staging which I find speaks volumes without enquiry! Another related act is that of eating a dessert consisting of both cake and cream (iced or otherwise). I speak here of the manipulation accredited to the dessert spoon and fork; specifically the use of both, one in each hand, contemporaneously.  Knowing for example to which hand to attach the spoon or the fork is critical.

Aside however from the etymology of propriety, the word has for me a much different significance. Recognizing one’s overall propriety is to distinguish one’s history. Just as I would not suggest a so-called “correct” manner in which to conduct oneself at table (other than the expected exclusion of universally inappropriate behaviour), I rejoice in the discovery of the meaning behind another’s words and conduct.  Life is a fathomless resource of intrigue!