There’s always an alternative

If you’re like most of us, there are events in your life which didn’t pan out quite the way you expected or would have preferred. Depending upon the severity of the decomposition, it may or may not be unsettling. It may also be possible in some circumstances to rewrite the chronology of construction to captivate what was intended at the outset. This is generally called, trying it again.  But it is not always a ready option for a wide variety of reasons such as the penalty of doing so (expense or inconvenience); and some things, even if reversible, become more tarsome to undertake a project to do so.  In short, moving backwards, reversing things isn’t always the best or appropriate answer.

Already I am hinting at the remedy. This is where the abstract notion of alternative abruptly comes alive. The mere thought of it enlives the spirit with an untold element of fortuity (though perhaps this is just my perpetual sense of optimism at play). More persuasively than my personal inclination, consider that a river may alter its course without necessarily draining its vigour. The impediment to an alternative often isn’t any more dynamic than taking a new path to reach the same aim.

Many of the activities we undertake involve the party of the first part and the party of the second part. This feature adds a potentially challenging character to the plot. The objectives of each party are not usually identical. But it is estimable that a decision to defeat an enterprise because it didn’t happen as we had forecast is a problem for both parties. It is in these circumstances that one is advised to consider the alternative not merely as a negotiation tool but more importantly as a means of overcoming conflict and disappointment. I cannot emphasize enough the value of the alternative as a manner of subduing one’s instinctive distaste of obstruction. Very often, prior to due consideration of the alternative, we unwittingly jump to the conclusion of doom. This corruption obviously works upon our innards adversely.

The alternative must naturally succeed to afford close to the ultimate target of the initial preoccupation. This doesn’t however translate to unqualified similarity.  Accommodation is axiomatically part of the process; it is the motive behind the cure. It may be as footling as an alternate choice of material; or it may be as imperative as the choice of a new spouse. Just to be clear, no matter the depth of the encounter, the bottom line is that life goes on and we have a choice about how to do it. As long as we’re alive to relate the tale we are within the compass of existence whether dangling on the periphery or swirling in the vortex.

And before losing oursevles in utter dismay, it is helpful to clarify the question before fixing upon the answer. Winning, like pain, is an ephemeral notation. It is an especially transitory inscription if we choose to defeat entirely our initial goal rather than choose an alternative. Either way, be assured that once the game is over or the pain has gone, you’ll spend little time thinking about the condition. As in all cases what matters is the future.  The past I am sorry to say unequivocally is over. We often attach more than sufficient attention to current events in our lives, footnotes that quickly dissipate. If there is a path to overcome the injunction presented, it is far more sustaining to choose that path. Even the magnificent hot air balloon is affected by the changing winds about it. No one I know would counsel attempting anything but going with the flow. And does it really matter where you end up? What are you about to allow to govern your life – picayune detail or the by far more entertaining history of functionality?

No doubt it is a peculiarity of the obsessive personality that nothing short of perfection will do. And while I allow that devotion to material perfection is forgivable (and often judicious), it is a lamentable recipe for matters related to human association and behaviour when the objective is to soften the direction of the future not preservation of the inalterable formula of the past.  In fact, on the topic of human relations specifically, it amounts to a small compliment to win an argument if the effect is to vanquish the relationship. It would seem to me that on the broader scale of analysis the less perilous action is to consider an alternative.