Finally I’ve got some relief! For weeks I have been frantic! My nights have been sleepless and my back is a corresponding barometer of tension. Neither food nor exercise has placated my agitation. Heated events within and without the perimeter of my personal life have sullied my disposition and made me edgy. I have on occasion cast doubt upon every particle of my existence, draining the customary untroubled resources of their liquor. In a word I have been distraught!
Suddenly however the grey clouds have lifted and the storms have passed. But not without a struggle I can assure you! It has been an unforgiving combination of computer problems, internet problems, medical concerns, my mother (who sadly now is primarily a self-contained category of “problem” more than anything else, least of all motherhood), very minor car problems (soon to be resolved by yet another “fresh start” so to speak), unsavoury and at times portentous political wrangling (local and international) and some abrasive confrontation with what Louis C. Audette, QC haughtily dismissed as “the privilege of the masses” (that is, “to mock their betters”), all very upsetting nonetheless in spite of either their separate or corporate offence. Frankly I’m just no good at handling disturbance of any nature; at least, I don’t accommodate it well (though equally I confess to relish attacking it viciously by way of retribution). I despise being interfered with. There is I know something rudely hostile about me at times, certainly not what I’m especially proud of though neither am I for the moment about to reject the faulty mannerism like some bleeding-heart libertarian. I may dilute the vitriol in time but not just now.
The exercise of patience is a much ignored attribute. It is easy to dismiss patience as inactivity, a horrid alternative for him who extols assiduity. Personally I never really capitulate to such demur behaviour; rather it is only parenthetical to an abandonment of concern for one reason or another, choices, choices. I have effectively put certain matters beyond my purview. It is a variation on the theme of dismissing what one cannot change. I suppose there is an element of modest sophistication to the posture but it’s probably no more than putting it out of sight. Perhaps I could dignify it as delegation. In any event, I stick with what I know, that’s all.
Periodically I have elevated my humour by corresponding with intelligent people whom I know and value, people who by any standard are scintillating and who impart inspiration by what they say and think. It’s infectious of course, being with provocative people. And relieving! They assuage the mediocrity which clamours at one’s borders. Oh how pleased I am to resume the comfort of my drawing room, its rugs and paintings and furniture! To rejoice once again in the pleasures of my stuff and to listen to the rain.
This precipitous dénouement was preceded today by a sudden and disarming address to my sister about the insidious perils of suretyship. In an instant I consolidated 40 years of professional legal experience to warn her. Thankfully she took it well and my acquittal is palpable as well. I couldn’t have withstood yet another discord.