Having just arisen from an exceedingly pleasant afternoon nap – and having afterwards parked myself upon the balcony in a deck chair to absorb the inexpressibly beautiful late afternoon sunshine glancing off the dry yellow corn stalks and the blue river water rippling in the wind – I am sufficiently awakened to confront today’s monologue.  By some standards, the daily production of this literary rubbish is a curious endeavour. But – in plain terms – I need it; I need to do it. It is not a habit – like brushing one’s teeth. Nor is it a romanticized deceit – like daily prayers. It does however approach the similarity of an appetite, a yearning never fulfilled though temporarily acceded or extinguished.

Though the day began with a similarly glorious morning – and perhaps as the result of having only recently returned from a long road trip to the Maritimes – the customary Sunday inspiration for travel was lacking. Denis suggested there might be a surplus of city dwellers invested upon the rural winding roadways to see the autumn colours. So it was not startling that, with little motivation, we collectively succumbed to another alternative, one which might combine a bit of travel with another objective – namely, a new iPhone.  We decided to go to the Apple store in Bayshore Shopping Centre to buy two new iPhones. Specifically, the iPhone 17.

Now, I won’t say the plan was universally well received.  Denis hesitated.  But being as he is well acquainted with my philosophy that new technology is always amazing – and that one must of necessity remain au courant – we headed for Bayshore. Our determination quickly became dampened.  Bayshore was undergoing major construction. The place where we normally park (Hudson’s Bay entrance on the 3rd parking level) was now a sizeable walking distance from an accessible entrance to the mall. Nonetheless we endured. Clutching Denis’ perpendicular right arm, I hobbled my way to the remote entrance.  Then began the struggle through the delicatessen area of the mall, through the maze of teenagers and other geriatrics (many of whom had the sense to bring their walkers) to the elevator. There – amidst the unrepentant noise and clatter of the mall – we waited an inordinately long time. I hung to the wall. When the elevator arrived there was instant commotion to enable those on the elevator to depart, and then the polite (“after you”) decisions to enable the rising collection of those awaiting to descend to enter the lift.

Finally we got to the ground floor and out of the lift and onto the mall proper. Denis searched about for the correct location of the Apple store. We then shuffled our way to the store – which, upon arrival, appeared less busy than I had anticipated.  This was a good sign I thought. Though – upon subsequent reflection – perhaps I should say, “Or so I thought!” in order to capture the impending peril. Things were about to take an annoying turn!

Before proceeding further I should disclose that, given the nature of the proposed purchase, we had devoted considerable time to the examination of the product. We both currently have the iPhone 15.  Since our first iPhones over a decade ago we have had numerous “updates” or new replacement iPhones. I say this to express the familiarity we have with the product. So, when I say that we lately watched videos and compared entry level iPhones with the premium models, we expended what I believe is a reasonable attention to the new replacement models for the iPhone 17.

It was in this state of mind that we entered the Apple store.  We were immediately greeted by a persuasive chap who secured a chair for me to sit. A retail agent appeared instantly.  We got down to business as readily.  Denis and I explained we wanted the iPhone 17. The retailer instantly described the available colours – we chose blue and lavender.  The retailer – a young woman – agreed with us when we said we only wanted the iPhone 17 (that is, the entry level as opposed to the others). In fact she indicated she too intended to get an iPhone 17; it was all that is required without the premium add-ons.

We unanimously celebrated our initial commercial successes! I interrupted the prescribed flow of negotiations by enquiring about the full meaning behind the iCloud+ Storage feature on our current phones.  When this was easily disposed, the retailer moved on to the iPhone 17. She advised it has new technology which eliminates the usage of a Sim Card. She explained it was all done electronically instead – and she would assist us to make the transfer of the card electronically to our new phones.

I believe that it was at this point that the retailer – suddenly consumed by information on her own iPhone – advised us, “There is  no iPhone 17 in stock!” Our reaction was instantaneous – mine, because I was recalling the abusively long walk to the store; and Denis’ because he had unwittingly triumphed to escape the economic abuse of new phones. We politely acknowledged the intelligence then withdrew – but not without muttering (at a discreet distance) a mix of stinging rebuttals (on my part) and nonchalant dismissals (on Denis’ part).

As I had predicted, the walk back to the car was arduous.  As I had not predicted, the ride home was oddly gratifying. We attempted a revival of our initial Sunday meander by proposing to go to Katarina’s Coffee Shop in Prescott at the end of Hwy#16 – but we only proceeded half the distance there before turning around for home. We accepted that our spirit wasn’t in it. As routine would have it, we got the car washed and “used the facilities” (always an invigorating enterprise). The road into the declining sun was agreeable.  Along the way, we tossed about random ideas – Equator café, date squares, Tim Horton’s, donuts – but nothing stuck. Instead we would succumb to the usual afternoon nutrients – coffee and an apple. It was not long after that confab that I lay on the bed for my afternoon nap. To tell the truth, I’ve forgotten where I was going with this.