It is with immoderate hesitation that I alight upon the topic of automobile driving; specifically, the conduct of the passenger vehicle on public roads. This is not because I do not adore driving. I categorically do. What however provokes this apparently unbridled diversion from what is normally the acme of my personal sustainability is the recognition that I may by doing so be cultivating unwittingly a social alarm. Allow me to explain.

This morning we put on the nosebag at the golf club with my partner’s nephew who generously refers to us both as his uncles. The nephew is a young man by our standards though he is the father of two boys in their early twenties. More significantly for purposes of this narrative is that he is actively enthusiastic about such brassy athleticism as hiking and kayaking. He regularly talks of hiking for prolonged periods of 15 kilometres (which he further enlarged at table to my continuing embarrassment by noting that he had lost 27 pounds as a result in the past 10 months). And this morning he casually dropped that he and his lady friend had lately enjoyed a romantic sunset kayak. Now before I lose you in this rambling account, the relevance is that the canoeing mode of traffic is noticeably tranquil and sedate, one might even say without fear of contradiction, improving.

I subsequently reflected upon this assessment this afternoon as I fulfilled my custom and drove to and from the car wash in Stittsville. The reason for the percolation was because, while doing so, I caught myself absorbed in a contest with other drivers on the road. The conflict had actually begun only moments after I left the neighbourhood laneways and filtered onto the Appleton Side Road.  I had awaited an approaching Porsche convertible to pass before entering the road. Porsches I find are generally known for their showmanship; so, rather than compete, I thought to let the driver go ahead of me since I predicted I would only slow the Porsche in any event. As it turned out, the Porsche was actually slower than the speed limit which is to say, slower than I would have been going.  However, not to be overcome in my initial ambition, I thought to myself I am in no hurry so I will just follow at a reduced speed.

As you might have already anticipated, it wasn’t long before another car approached from the rear, clearly less accommodating for two drivers who were literally out for a Sunday drive. The third driver made no attempt to disguise his/her mounting anxiety, sticking uncomfortably to my rear, repeatedly pressing to the left to afford a view of the on-coming traffic (which naturally was relentless) before finally passing on a solid line in a maze of exhaust fumes and noise. The Porsche convertible meanwhile had acknowledged his/her obstruction by pulling half-way off the edge of the road in token submission (though pointedly without using an indicator light) at which point I extinguished my own tolerance and passed.

From this introduction to an afternoon drive along a country road, I then continued at slightly above the speed limit while being followed by someone who persisted to sit on my tail without taking advantage of any open series of dotted lines to pass. The follower eventually exited to Carleton Place (which I suppose legitimized the tailgating) and I filtered onto the highway.

Initially the travel on the 4-lane pathway was comfortable. But then arose the dilemmas associated with other filters onto the highway.  One chap began filtering almost a mile ahead of me. Because I was only going at the speed limit I assumed he had plenty of time to get into the road ahead of me. He did not however choose to do so.  Nor did he employ his indicator to signify any intention of doing so.  So, with him going below the speed limit and no indicator light on, I passed him/her upon which he/she immediately sped up to my rear, then pulled left into the passing lane, only immediately thereafter to divert right into the slow lane ahead of me (again without using an indicator).

Before that car went ahead of me, I had been following another car from a reasonable distance. Now however the car was caught between me and the other car as though intent upon riding on the tail of the front car. This absurdity of conduct continued for about a mile before the middle driver decided for some unspecified reason (though this time with an indicator) to move into the passing lane once again and speed by a line-up of about six cars which had been there already.

This was only the beginning of my afternoon drive. When I left the highway to get onto a local road into Stittsville I was of course followed by another car which apparently could only see where it was going by sitting on my rear bumper.  Once again the availability to pass on a dotted line meant nothing.  Nor did it matter that I maintained the speed limit or exceeded it.  The conviction seemed to be only to follow, never to pass.

It obviously occurs to me throughout these situations to do more than carry on. The invitation to road rage is undeniable.  However I persist to maintain what I consider to be the most suitable social conduct, including using indicators even when being persistently hounded by another driver.  And never do I permit myself to use my horn.  Using a horn as a demonstration of one’s anxiety is in my opinion the height of indelicacy.  And even if it doesn’t matter to others, it matters to me. The only indiscretion I permit myself, when being pushed by some noisy sports model to get onto the freeway quickly, is the privilege of doing exactly that; namely, flooring the car and speeding onto the freeway with the clamour in the rearview mirror. It is the one advantage I have of owning models which allow the gesture. It is nonetheless a short-lived violence because I always regain the speed limit immediately.  And of course the erstwhile agitator is by this time entirely devoted to illustrating his/her capacity and goes racing by for now inconsequential purpose and diminished profit.

So here’s the conclusion: Driving a passenger motor vehicle is no sunset kayak. Although increasingly I predict that I shall submit to the passion evoked by these social confrontations, I know in my heart that I shall not.  While I acknowledge the need to go with the flow, I am not about to contaminate my similar acceptance of the wish of those who reside along country roads to escape those using the roads as speedways at their front doors.  I also feel authenticated by the need to preserve the speed limit if for no other reason than safety. I routinely use my cruise control set at the speed limit or perhaps 5 Kms above. After having driven a car since the age of 16 without accident I feel as well that I have some evidence of the utility of behaving on the roadways as we are encouraged and mandated to do. Regrettably this does not diminish the burgeoning frustration so often evolving from something even as lightweight as a Sunday drive.  But I’m not yet up to abandoning my beloved automobile for a kayak howsoever romantic or beautiful the sunset!