The transition to winter in Canada is discretely incremental but nonetheless unmistakeable. After the autumnal cleaning of the gardens, the appearance of driveway markers is among the first indicia of upcoming winter.  There are some terribly handsome markers, reflectors which are multi-coloured, multi-faceted, telescopic and even solar.  For the less discriminating homeowner who is not so concerned with the artistic performance of the hardware a mere stake will suffice, frequently recycled and wound in adhesive tape.  There are those whose property borders a curve in the road and who therefore feel compelled to decorate the perimeter with a parade of cautionary standards to assist the hardworking early-morning plough operators.  One has to wonder how responsive the plough operators are or can be to such carefully positioned warnings in the midst of a snowstorm and mountains of ever-increasing urban snow piles.  It is wise to recall that the municipality likely owns the first several feet alongside the road and may thus snap its collective fingers at such muted intimidation.

The mania for winter tyres on automobiles is ascending though fairly recent. Only in the past several years has the topical debate graduated from statistical analysis to what is now considered socially unacceptable behaviour to avoid putting on winter tyres. No doubt even republican Ontario will soon adopt the mandatory legislative directive which now persists in Quebec. Winter tyres are generally acknowledged to be unattractive, a fashion foible nonetheless thought to be well-deserved and mollified by the indisputable repugnance of black ice, road salt and slush.  Winter tyres are still a hard sell to dedicated automobile aficionados who’ll likely succumb to forking out thousands for matching rims to preserve the shiny package on those rare, cold days which afford a window of dry pavement.

The harshness of adjustment to the winter vernacular is at least softened by the sight of a dedicated young father building the wooden perimeter of a backyard skating rink for his children and perhaps their neighbours.  What a family hero he is destined to be!  Some of our rural brethren are fortunate enough to have a pond on their sprawling acreage for like purpose but without the attendant architectural exigencies.  Visions abound of muffled skaters, red sleighs and frosted breath, a truly Canadian picture reminiscent of Cornelius Krieghoff!

No sooner have the corn sheaves of Thanksgiving and the pumpkins of Hallowe’en exhausted their favour than the wreaths, garlands and boughs of Christmas decorations make their seasonal appearance.  It is a well-organized householder who plans to put up the exterior Christmas lights before the first snow.  A cool, clear day in November and the prospect of a cozy fire and wassail is all the stimulus required to awaken the radiance of the Christmas spirit.  Equally intoxicating are the Gregorian chants of Arvo Pärt and almost any refrain from Handel’s Messiah, sacred music which suddenly figures in one’s personal library and on almost any radio station. The once latent winter catharsis is galloping onward!

Any summary of evolving hibernation would be incomplete without noting the dwindling daylight hours, an assault conducted at both ends of the spectrum.  More evocative clues that winter is coming are those regularly touted in the Farmers’ Almanac:

Thicker than normal corn husks
Woodpeckers sharing a tree
Early arrival of the Snowy owl
Early departure of geese and ducks
Early migration of the Monarch butterfly
Thick hair on the nape (back) of the cow’s neck
Heavy and numerous fogs during August
Raccoons with thick tails and bright bands
Mice eating ravenously into the home
Early arrival of crickets on the hearth
Spiders spinning larger than usual webs and entering the house in great numbers
Pigs gathering sticks
Insects marching a bee line rather than meandering
Early seclusion of bees within the hive
Unusual abundance of acorns
Muskrats burrowing holes high on the river bank
“See how high the hornet’s nest, ‘twill tell how high the snow will rest”
Narrow orange band in the middle of the Woollybear caterpillar warns of heavy snow; fat and fuzzy caterpillars presage bitter cold
The squirrel gathers nuts early to fortify against a hard winter
Frequent halos or rings around sun or moon forecast numerous snow falls.

It’s 2:00 o’clock in the morning and it’s raining. The sound of the rain in the gutters on the balcony woke me.  All the windows in the apartment are open more than a crack because the air is uncommonly warm.  I imagine there have been a lot of romantic things written about the early morning rain including no doubt some fairly sentimental rubbish provoked by booze.  Those days of agitated nerves and spiritual guilt are ones I can live without.

I’ve heard that Howard Hughes conducted business in the middle of the night when nobody could say they were otherwise engaged.  I try not to make a habit of stomping about in the middle of the night but I’m certainly not a stranger to it. Being awake in the middle of the night is often a capitulation, an acknowledgement that one may as well get up as toss and turn worrying about something.  It is of course a reliable method of battening down a flourishing issue.  It can however be a luxury, the privilege afforded those who are not for some physical or psychical reason chained to their bed.  It is normally a small compliment to recount anything I might accomplish in the middle of the night.  Some people might like to read.  I prefer to write.  Writing isn’t for me merely a knee-jerk undertaking; I try for example to capitalize upon the sterility of the early morning hours to promote austerity in my accounts.  Prolixity is among my failings.  Additionally I subscribe to what I understand was Hemingway’s thesis that practice is a good thing whether for athletes or writers; there’s nothing supernatural about it.  It’s all about using that muscle, keeping it fit and toned.

The goal of “finding one’s voice” is I think related to unrestrained communication. The success in doing so seems to entail writing as one talks, not as simple a task as one might imagine.  The written word obviously inspires reconsideration of what one thinks even though the spoken word can be as powerful.  The trick is to translate the narrative as though it were a conversation.  Too often fluidity is confused with stupidity; there is however no need to diminish the literary quality of one’s thoughts merely because they are natural.  I won’t suggest that some people think in thirty-dollar words but there are those who actually have a vocabulary.

At 2:30 a.m. this morning I was sitting alone in the living room in the dark in my smalls staring at my iPhone, reading something, I cannot recall what, email or the local on-line newspaper.  Doesn’t matter, I was just killing time hoping I’d somehow put myself to sleep.

By six o’clock, back in bed for over three hours, I was awakening to another day, cursing the damaged tendons of my left shoulder.  I must have slept on it the wrong way.  Again.  There apparently isn’t a right way to sleep on that blasted shoulder! I could tell, though barely, from the light seeping through the curtains that it was likely to be a nice day.  And it turned out that it was.  More than nice in fact, very nice, bright, clear and warm, a high of 13ºC. Energized by black coffee and a substantial (now ritual) breakfast, we got ourselves together and went for a bike ride. It was an undeniable pleasure on a day like this!

Uncommonly numerous people were walking, running or cycling alongside the country roads, indulging themselves in what has become a national holiday, Remembrance Day.  I stopped to chat with one walker whom I knew, an acquaintance, a clever chap.  We swapped intelligence about a local corporation with which we are both connected, one of the dubious privileges of getting old. I drew upon historical professional knowledge, reminding myself of the exacting experience which had taught me so well.  It was such a long time ago that I wrestled with those esoteric details, now here I was sharing them as though they were second nature.  Which I suppose they are.  Eventually it’s all old hat no matter what you’ve done for forty years.

I returned home, leisurely absorbing the lovely air and sunshine.  Ablutions accomplished I directed myself to the City.  On the highway I passed one of those new signs powered by a solar panel.  On it was displayed “Lest We Forget”.  I was listening to lugubrious music and in an instant I was choking up and weeping.  Music can do that to me, I’m a sucker for music and sentimental stuff.  I thought briefly of my father, how young he was when the German submarine shot him and his men out of the sky over the North Atlantic.

Whew!  Stealing a look at my electronic calendar says it all!  It has been a busy several weeks!  Certainly one can expect a bit of hype surrounding an upcoming four-month sojourn but there were many other factors in the mix which had nothing whatever to do with packing, things we hadn’t anticipated, things we would have preferred to have by-passed.  It is too tedious to trot out the sometimes annoying details of all that has lately transpired. When however I drove home today from my early morning appointment in Ottawa I was decidedly relieved; at last my scheduled duties were behind me and an open calendar beckoned me.  As so often is the case everything seems to have magically dovetailed mere hours before our departure.  I can’t imagine that there is any design in that happy fortuity but there it is!  Just plain good luck.

It is further no small consolation for having endured the stressful urgencies of the past several weeks that my elderly mother and I had a very satisfactory rendezvous this morning.  One cannot always be assured of such a buoyant reception.  Because I had my MacBook Pro computer with me – I had just been to the Apple Store to collect it from the repair shop, that’s another story! – I decided to connect the thing to a “Personal Hot Spot” on my iPhone so I could review with her the details of her financial affairs and to show her how wonderful my amateur photos look on a large screen.  As you might imagine the wealth of information which I was able to lay before her within an instant was somewhat overwhelming but she generally grasped the gist of what was going on and appeared to appreciate the marvel of computers and the internet.  I titillated her by exemplifying the location of my iPhone through iCloud and sending an audible notification.  It bowled her over!  I tied up the whole package by reminding mother that we all have a great deal for which to be thankful and that we should as a result avoid any whining complaint (sadly not an uncommon refrain).  I told her that her only worry should be about how much to eat and drink on Christmas Eve when she stays overnight at my sister’s place.

It also helped that I brought along a number of compact discs which I no longer use (all my favourites have been added to a USB and the rest I get off my iPhone).  It is a sign of the times that my former tuner/CD player and miniature speakers are now virtually redundant having been replaced by Bluetooth technology.  My mother, being yet less advanced and having no Bluetooth enabled devices, has however a new little sound system to which she has happily adjusted very well. The extra CDs were therefore a perfect addition to her collection.  I put on a Christmas CD, the classics including Bing Crosby singing “White Christmas”.  Later as I returned home in the car I listened to a new USB, magnificent pieces by Arvo Pärt (reputedly the world’s most popular modern composer) as well as Handel’s Messiah performed by the Mormon Tabernacle Choir with the Philadelphia Philharmonic under the direction of Eugene Ormandy (my very favourite rendition).  It was Nirvana listening to the music in the car, streaming along the dry pavement, the undulating ribbon of highway from the City to the country, surrounded by tranquil landscape, grey trees and orange streaks of light in the late autumn sky.

There was a minor setback in the afternoon after I discovered that in the process of repairing my computer many of my bookmarks had been removed.  For the most part the replacement was easy but one in particular was not, of course the one I use most regularly and without which I am effectively locked out.  I finally got it.

We are now absorbed thinking about packing and the calculated depletion of our remaining food provisions.  Our new next door neighbour knocked on the apartment door to invite us to tea with his wife on the following day.  It is odd that we should cavort with people who are our very newest acquaintances as we have deliberately turned down other invitations from our closest friends. We decided weeks ago that we would not contaminate our last few hours on terra firma by socializing.  Our new neighbours are however irresistible; they are both charming and scintillating as we have discovered through the most casual brushes.  It always amuses me how certain people instantly connect. There must be so many indicia flying about apparently unobserved,  clues of things which mysteriously manifest themselves.

So now the unencumbered life unfolds.  I have only to attend upon my hair architect tomorrow, unplug the lamps, remove the batteries from the mantle clock and put out the money for our cleaning lady’s Christmas gift.  The onus of obligation and commitment slips away.  If a calendar can be trusted as a reliable source of direction then the way is clear from here to there.

My recent visit to the Apple store featured all too prominently the mocking quip “genius at work”. For those who don’t know, the term genius (which characteristically emphasizes creativity and eminent achievement) has been brazenly assumed by the technical clerks of the Apple store as their generic denomination.  It turns out the subscription is without merit. When I picked up my MacBook Pro which had been delivered a week earlier for repair I discovered within approximately 30 seconds that the device was not properly working notwithstanding the previous assurances of the “geniuses” of the Apple store that the computer had been repaired and tested. It further fed my disdain of these self-proclaimed geniuses that they were only able to discover the obvious problems associated with the computer by repeated and unforgivably protracted trial and error. By omission or ignorance they had overlooked things which should normally have formed part of any checklist such as whether the device is connected to the Internet or that the date and time are correct, not to mention the staggard and uncontrollable cursor and the complete absence of email service (surely one of the most basic functions of any household computer). I guess such trivialities are beneath the contemplation of geniuses.  What is more likely is that the 14-day intensive induction program for the geniuses is directed not to technical service requirements but rather the preservation of the sanctity of the Apple name and the perception of the superiority of its products.  The employee course clearly focuses upon a study of manipulative semantics designed to give the customer a sense of empowerment while at the same time deflecting or finessing legitimate and disparaging product complaint.

In spite of the rampant and inescapable haughtiness of the staff members of the Apple store, it is sadly apparent even to the casual observer that they have unwittingly submitted to the drudgery of modern technology when it comes to dealing with problems; namely, everything requiring intellectual capacity consists of plugging in a cord which is programmed to diagnose what is wrong.  What is noticeably removed from the genius process is the reasoning ability of the analyst to synthesize existing details.  The geniuses, like buffalo herding themselves to precipitous death, pathetically persist in magnifying their lack of acumen by trotting out what they have been programmed to say about what they do, for example blindly repeating what a delight it should be for the customer that the repair of the device is under warranty (a patent absurdity in view of the fact that the device is not working). More codswallop designed to obfuscate the elemental truth!

When after an hour and a half of fruitless fussing the geniuses (there was a graduated succession of them) at last conceded defeat and determined to reclaim the computer for a second time to investigate once again why it was not working and whether, as I suppose, they will simply replace the entire motherboard for a second time, I proposed that I buy a new computer on favorable terms to bypass what I sense is destined to be a hapless lemon situation.  This offer was received with the enthusiasm of a rebuttal of the Commandments handed down by God to Moses.  It did not sit well with either the original genius with whom I spoke nor with the subsequent, presumably more elevated, genius with whom I later spoke on the telephone after we had left the store.  This further lack of ingenuity bothers me especially because Apple spends so much time proclaiming to the world what a superlative product it has while obviously being intransigent about doing anything in the face of a contrary admission. One is left with the distinct feeling that Apple is more show than go, a common shopkeeper which like a servant in a grande home sucks it’s vicarious sense of superiority from the employer (in this case the customer). The dignity which the customer deigns to bestow upon these clerks by making on-line appointments and appearing in a timely manner is mistakenly interpreted as submission.

In the wider perspective it bothers me that these young people, by dusting themselves in the wake of such creative people as Steve Jobs, have appropriated to themselves an arrogance to which they have absolutely no entitlement. Certainly it is not a problem that a mechanical device should require repair. These clerks, however, in their fascination with perpetually unfolding and glittering technology, have lost sight of the fundamentals of running a business which for example, upon greeting a customer, include more than saying, “The name?” Such niceties could perhaps be excused and overlooked if the clerks were entirely absorbed in the avid prosecution of their technical duties but the evidence is otherwise.  It is part of the burgeoning mockery of the situation that the standard commercial vernacular has been turned on its head and the traditional sign “Customer Service” at the back of the store has been replaced with “Genius Bar”.

Apart from telling someone to go fly a kite (which I think you’ll agree hardly qualifies as instructive narrative), telling someone what to do with their life is generally mere surplusage.  One need only examine the success which others have had telling you what to do with your life. The hard fact persists that each of us is bound to decide for ourselves what and when we’ll do something, whatever it may be and howsoever probative.  It matters not how insightful or even accurate the improving observations are, until they are promulgated by the reputed delinquent as his or her own all the wisdom in the world is wasted breath.

I have however discovered certain irksome qualifications to this otherwise incontrovertible laissez-faire policy.  The most obvious objection to its universality is in the realm of the parent-child relationship.  One is reluctant to suggest that a parent should not take an active role in the direction of a child (though I understand there are schools of thought which in fact promote such a choice, incorrectly in my view).  I would go so far as to say that a parent has a palpable duty to share with the child whatever wisdom the parent may possess regarding the conduct of the child; to do otherwise is in my opinion abandonment of human obligation (which I regard on the broad scale of ethics and the positive office which elders have towards children).  It may mollify the strength of parental responsibility to recall that instruction might be more forcefully conveyed as reflection upon the matter rather than a mandated code of behaviour.  This however is quibbling semantics.

In relationships between adults the matter of promoting self-improvement is far more delicate if for no other reason than that it is more difficult to break bad habits than it is to enlist them.  Once again even this cautionary note is subject to modification.  There are two factors at play on this score.  First, there is the risk that one’s silence, notwithstanding the appearance of minding one’s own business, is really either pusillanimity in the face of distress or blatant disregard for the needs of another.  Second, there is the equally compelling risk that one avoids the opportunity to speak one’s mind about displeasing conduct, the result of which may be the false and uninformed impression that the discreditable conduct is somehow either acceptable or tolerable.  I believe that both features require attention; calculated intervention and open frankness.  After all when it comes to the depth of communication between adults it can only be achieved if some effort is made.  Staring at a blank canvass or ignoring it altogether will hardly bring about a work of art.  This disposition might well require some adjustment in one’s thinking, as well it should.  I for one have no intention of going to my grave without having shared what little I know of the world and without having done or said what I knew or ought to have known should have been done or said.  What after all is more important than our relationships with others?  What are we saving it for?  Time is running out, let’s face it.

Many people in spite of their inappropriate conduct command a degree of “respect” which unfortunately is little more than unwilling tolerance from others.  To their face such personages are treated with apparent deference but behind their back it is frequently a different story.  Why we continue to prostrate ourselves before intolerable people is of course a good question.  I suspect we simply become conditioned to low-level behaviour and therefore dismiss it as effectively meaningless or inconsequential.  But for those on the receiving end of these misguided predators the sense is considerably different.  Granted there are some victims whose magnanimity is unsurpassed but even then I have trouble turning a blind eye to deplorable exploits.

It should of course be understood that when one takes it upon oneself to “share” with another what he or she ought to do, the ambit is confined to those associations which exist between family or friends.  Beyond that I am not so enthusiastic mostly because I think manners trump even legibility.  Besides we simply cannot be the keeper of every brother.  It doesn’t for a moment taint my sense of responsibility to restrict my personal opinions to those by whom I am most immediately affected and towards whom I have some duty or accountability.  For all others it is sufficient to tell them to go fly a kite!

I’m having difficulty resolving in my own mind precisely what happened today.  It isn’t as though we were terribly busy or that we engaged in anything especially excitable or inordinately distracting, but nonetheless I find myself reeling.  I’ve apparently lost my balance.  Something has broadsided me and I’m not quite certain what.

By way of explanation it would I suppose be safe to say we hadn’t an agenda in mind for today other than ensuring the vacation of our residence before the cleaning lady materialized. This is standard protocol. When therefore we collected ourselves sufficiently to withdraw from the apartment and install ourselves in the automobile for departure everything to that point was in customary order.

Quickly however matters began to deteriorate.  It may have been that the weather was partly to blame. The morning sunshine was giving way to what we casually characterized as an ominous sky.  The external map was clouding our collective mind at the same tempo.  In an instant our enthusiasm for wandering abroad carefree on a brilliant day altered to a greatly tempered reconsideration of the distance and anticipated delay before we might put on the luncheon nosebag.  Granted our adventure was temporarily detoured by a functional visit to the local pharmacy for our annual flu shot but that couldn’t have been the sole source of our maturing consternation.  A radical element had insinuated itself into our otherwise implacable affairs.

Having regained the automobile after complimenting ourselves for accomplishing the flu shot (which in truth was an item on our electronic calendar and therefore of some measurable importance), the authority of the gathering clouds increased.  By now we had determined to shorten our excursion to something closer to home. The idea of settling alongside the St. Lawrence Seaway no longer held its previous sway in light of the grey skies.  We quickly determined instead to go to a another but closer regular haunt in Old Chelsea, PQ.

Somehow even that brilliant suggestion quickly lost its appeal.  Perhaps the dwindling competition of the weather gave way to the increasing sense of appetite.  We further decided to compromise our expectations by going to a local emporium where we knew we could secure an acceptable sandwich and a tasty sweet.  When it turned out that our latest destination was in the same mall as another Vietnamese place we had previously frequented we again summarily altered our plans to switch to the Asian cuisine.  There we happily landed at last and were not in the least disappointed.

Because we had circumscribed our original plans so manifestly, we were in the result at loose ends to kill time before we could return to the apartment.  No doubt as a consequence of our earlier mercurial deliberations I had somewhere in that process ignited my interest in Almond Butter Squares which I knew were retailed at a nearby gluten-free bakery off Hunt Club Road.  As a concession to the need to dissolve some time we accordingly directed ourselves hither.

Our researches were not without profit!  We met the proprietor of the bakery and by force of our desire to contribute to local commerce and to engender the appearance of engagement we found ourselves ordering substantially more than originally planned.  The bakery has several small tables with chairs. After ordering a black coffee we perched ourselves at one of these installations and began the consumption of several of the goodies we had just purchased, including (in addition to the aforementioned Almond Butter Square), a Nanaimo Square, Caramel Slice Coconut cake with Caramel fudge on top and a Butter Tart (with the “best ever” pastry).  Exquisite!  The Nec Plus Ultra!

The utter satisfaction of such a serendipitous sojourn is likely the reason for my current disorientation.  Sixty-six years of programming were suddenly jolted by a new and thoroughly rewarding escapade.  If ever there were a case to be made for acting silly and behaving without calculation, this is it!  The experience was reminiscent of all the magical things I have heard about chocolate.  I opined to the proprietor that she had  discovered some secret ingredient which stirred the very synapses of my brain.

The Joy of Gluten Free

The overthrow is complete! Tonight marked the last of my official commitments!  This evening’s meeting of the Committee of Adjustment of the Corporation of the Town of Mississippi Mills was the final meeting which I shall ever attend.  I had already submitted my resignation effective October 27th next (by design the same day as the upcoming municipal election) and because of minimum public notice periods it is impossible that there will be another meeting of our Committee before then.  Even if the Committee were not functus officio after October 27th next (on the basis of some theory of prolonged longevity until the new Committee is properly constituted), my earlier resignation would in any event trump my involvement.  I’m done! And I willingly capitulate!  This is the proverbial last nail in the coffin.  The event complements the proceedings of September 30th last when I rounded out and resigned from my fourteen years as a Director of the Mississippi River Power Corporation.  Now in addition to the refinements of our municipal zoning by-laws I no longer cast my mind upon the turbulent waters of power generation in the Town of Mississippi Mills (Almonte Ward).

Naturally I am delighted to have been afforded the opportunity to serve on both these boards in addition to the others which have ornamented my 38-year career in the Town of Almonte.  But at last I can rest!  I simply couldn’t imagine having to step back into harness.  It is serendipitous that my complete retirement should be about to begin as our planned four-month hibernation on Hilton Head Island, SC is a mere three weeks hence.  One year ago when the prospect of the sale of my heritage office building was imminent on November 29th, 2013 it was then my objective to retire on November 30th, 2014.  While my retirement from the practice of law was accelerated to either March 31st or April 30th (I have forgotten on which date I finally alighted though I suspect it was the latter), I was nonetheless still shackled to my duties as an unwitting executor to a former deceased client, in addition to my duties as a Director of the Mississippi River Power Corporation and a Member of the Committee of Adjustment.  Those functions were not especially onerous but neither could they be ignored; it was still work.  It was  with a buoyant heart this evening that I proffered a cheery wave adieu to my fellow Members, Stacey Blair and Patricia McCann-MacMillan, on the steps of the Town Hall.  Only weeks ago it was a round of glad-handing about the Board table of the Power Corporation.

Honestly I could not be happier to have it all behind me. As peculiar as it may sound this is the first time in 38 years that I have really commenced anew.  Having new clients and serving on different committees, boards, foundations, clubs and fraternities does not qualify as beginning afresh, rather it was just more of the same.  I have at last put all of that behind me and I have no intention whatever of repeating the choreography.  I frankly highly doubt I would have the energy to do so.  Whatever one may say about drawing upon one’s “years of experience” it is nonetheless labour.  Even my admitted vanity doesn’t palliate the anticipated drudge of it all.

It is too trite to repeat it, but allow me at least to observe that three other events unfolded today which while trivial conclude prior ambitions and connections and therefore nicely dovetail with the other salient details of my life.  At last I feel poised to embrace my fresh vernacular, to cast myself adrift from former moorings and to set sail for unfamiliar horizons.  I particularly relish the nautical theme as we head for the Atlantic Ocean, a heartfelt enterprise I have harboured my entire life.

Normally I wouldn’t profess especial curiosity about the outcome of a local municipal election. In Almonte Ward of Mississippi Mills the upcoming municipal election (October 27, 2014) has however been a matter of much interest and a source of even greater amusement in our local e-newspaper, The Millstone News. The advent of The Millstone News in the Spring of 2011 has unquestionably changed the face of conversation in the Town. In addition to being a “Speaker’s Corner” (reminiscent of the original and most noted in the northeast corner of Hyde Park in London, United Kingdom, the site that the Tyburn gallows used for public executions) it is considered the “go to” forum for many local constituents.  I am anxious about the election result to the point of  betting on the outcome.  It would be a stretch to suggest that I am a political pundit because I haven’t anything but my instincts cultivated over the past 38 years in Almonte to guide me in this wager, but I am not so confident as some apparently are about what the electorate will do on Election Day.

The galvanizing election issue in The Millstone News has been the proposed “Enerdu Project” a development championed by local rich kid Jeff Cavanagh whose father operates the well-known construction business Thomas Cavanagh Construction Limited.  While there has been in addition to the press public demonstration opposing the Enerdu Project there lingers in the minds of some constituents the relevance of the debate notwithstanding the compelling environmental case being advanced so adamantly by the opponents of the Project.  Its significance spills onto the mayoral race since the issue has polarized that contest in particular.  It is safe to say that the candidates for councillor have fallen in line with the vocal public opinion against the project.  Only one candidate (Jane Torrance) has publicly stated that she is still “in the middle of the river” on the discussion.  All the other candidates have sought to insulate themselves from popular displeasure by camouflaging their lack of forthright decision with a need for more information while at the same time covering their flanks by opposing the project “in its current form” (which of course is classic political codswallop). To fly in the face of the self-righteous opponents who make repeated appearances on The Millstone News is understandably considered political suicide.

In The Millstone News the mayoral race reads like a Shakespearean play with the primary actors and mayoral candidates John Levi and Shaun McLaughlin being metaphorically echoed by their front-seat groundlings Tracy Stimpson and Nathan Rudyk.  While Stimpson and Rudyk begin their sword-crossing by allusion to fact, the simmered result of their altercations is usually nothing more than robust name calling (albeit terribly entertaining reading). Stimpson (like Levi) portrays himself as the fighter for the “silent majority”, long-time residents and generally seeks to appeal to the more pragmatic and less purely highbrow elements.  Rudyk presents himself as speaking for the publicly spirited majority, the swell of local people who have risen up against corporate greed and political pandering.  Because Rudyk has aligned himself with ethical thinkers such as Al Seaman and Cliff Bennett and with such notables as Maude Barlow, Bruce Cochran OC and Robert Bateman, he has the appearance of elevating his position to that of ineffable propriety.  It was however a telling point during the recent Almonte All-Candidates Night that the Enerdu Project issue wasn’t raised by the audience until well into the proceedings.  There persists among the electorate a concern for standard municipal matters such as realty taxes, water rates, sidewalks and traffic lights.  Meanwhile Rudyk, clearly the self-appointed apostle, continues to battle fervently in favour of his thesis and some are left wondering whether he hasn’t his own money riding on the outcome of the election particularly as his mandate is so inextricably entwined with his career as a promoter (President & CEO of Market2World Communications Inc., “Nathan is the founder and CEO of market2world communications and an award-winning marketer, author, teacher and broadcaster. He is passionate about client success, has worked for start-ups, multi-nationals and marcom agencies across Canada, and has led winning campaigns for many emerging companies as well as tech giants including Microsoft, EDS, IBM, Industry Canada, and Xerox“). Buttressing Levi and his adherents are the likes of Brian Gallagher and Bill Gomme, both veterans of the Public Utilities Commission and unquestionable stalwarts of Almonte’s Old Boys network.  Their straight-forward, clinical reviews and support of the Enerdu Project have fostered much in the way of temperate thinking and persuasive argument for the uncommitted masses.

Focusing on the contentious mayoral race, it is conceivable that the vote between front-run contenders Levi and McLaughlin will be split by middle-of-the-road candidate Garry Dalgity who enjoys the restricted though enviable reputation for being hard-working and honest yet far less colourful and controversial. Levi and McLaughlin nonetheless maintain the strongest magnetism by virtue of their diametrically opposed views.  While McLaughlin appears to have the support of the vocal opponents of the Enerdu Project as well as the more “artistic” elements of the community, one mustn’t discount the vigorous support which Levi will likely garner from his long-time Pakenham antecedents, local hard-nose business colleagues and blue-collar workers who are unimpressed by thirty-dollar words and outsiders generally. Like it or not, Levi is “one of our own” in the minds of many and McLaughlin’s credentials are far less convincing.  Both have to be admired for their stubborn commitment; and it would be a milquetoast constituent who didn’t relish the sometimes raw exchanges between the candidates.  On the balance however Levi has successfully capitalized upon the ulterior political motives of both McLaughlin and his purported lackey Rudyk.  So blindly dedicated is Rudyk to his professed cause that some have questioned whether McLaughlin might do well to distance himself from Rudyk.  Meanwhile Levi continues seemingly unperturbed by the combined vilification of Rudyk and his cronies.

As for the role of The Millstone News in these proceedings, it is impossible to avoid the perception that the paper has become the platform of a selected few whose repeated and often inconsequential contributions have translated this political debate into something in the nature of a personal blog.  It is disheartening for example to read the collateral assertions of some of the more vocal commentators regarding the number of “likes” they have garnered as though the resolution turned upon a mere personality contest.  Perhaps they’re right!

Synthesis: combination or composition, in particular in Hegelian philosophy the final stage in the process of dialectical reasoning in which a new idea resolves the conflict between thesis and antithesis.

Metamorphosis: a change of the form or nature of a thing or person into a completely different one, by natural or supernatural means.

While I have probably mistakenly united two ideas – synthesis and metamorphosis –  what I mean to describe is my absorption of change.  I can’t escape two compelling features of my life:  1) I am constantly tired; and, 2) I recognize that I am on the brink of discovery.

My seeming perpetual fatigue is clearly not a malignancy. I know precisely what it is – I am recovering from years of exhaustion.  Now that I can afford the privilege of listening to my body (though there is nothing particularly rational about the process) I just give in.  The sensation is overwhelming. Better to succumb and afterwards begin afresh.  I am simply burned out after years of getting there.

Abruptly there is now so little that needs doing.  I haven’t any excuse to avoid doing nothing.  There is no reason not to sleep.  My sleep at nights is plagued by two factors:  one, my left shoulder tendons have been damaged in a fall and it annoys me during the night; and, two, I suffer the same insomnia from constant worry which I have suffered all my life.  I am a worry-wart.  Historically I have only surmounted my obsession by keeping myself awake until I practically fell into bed and then passed out for four or five hours.  Now late night television or Netflix movies are inadequate as a vehicle of exhaustion; I need something more compelling than a mere soporific, something more highly developed.

I am determined to comprehend my repeated anxieties and to vanquish them. I continue to have dreams.  Only last night I dreamt I was in a grand, modern hotel, going down long hallways, transitioning from one conference room to another.  There was some urgency about what I was doing and I even began smoking cigarettes again (something I haven’t done since I was 50 years of age and which bothered me even in my dream because I knew it contaminated my life insurance policy). I visited my nieces who were in a tower suite in the hotel and I was intent upon organizing something for them.  The colours were mainly bright silver or white with a hint of pale blue though the corridors of the hotel were burnt orange and darker, the floors covered in Oriental style carpet.

While tiresome abstract worries continue to nip at my heels, it is significant that at this stage of my life I have virtually nothing tangible about which to trouble myself. I have none of the customary worries of life such as business, property management or health issues. Even my family concerns are limited to normal problems dealing with my elderly mother who after all has the benefit of a long and comfortable life.  I admit that I fret about my evolving disposition.  For example I have begun to take a hard look at my personal relationships; I regularly corner myself on what I understand about life; I am teaching myself to live meaningfully without  hedonic palliatives (jewelry, cars, furnishings, art and travel).  These philosophical dalliances aren’t worthy of any particular merit though they succeed to satisfy my curiosity.  If I am to be truthful they put distance between me and the rest of the world.  I need time to discover things on my own without commitment or obligation.

In my present condition I can see that I have an extraordinary opportunity, one which until recently was unimaginable.  I have likened our upcoming 4-month hibernation to a notable travel adventure.  It certainly will be the first of its kind for us. The combination of getting out of business and withdrawing from the municipal election has contributed to my aloofness.  As the former life-lines dissolve the connection with the past floats away.  I am still however in a recuperative stage, still getting off the couch, still dealing with those haunting demons.